How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
