grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
