I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize