I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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