i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm sobbing to NWA
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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