is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
