the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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