you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
