I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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