Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
