I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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