So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My feet surprised me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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