So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
