Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize