my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
