The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
