I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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