My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
