I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
