so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
