There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
