im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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