That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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