you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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