The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize