nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I smell stomach acid.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
