i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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