Dual....:-)
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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