Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
