I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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