true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
