So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
