you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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