found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
