Me too!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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