It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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