drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
