Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need water and some morals
Randomize