i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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