i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
