i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
