New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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