I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
