3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Randomize
