So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
