I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
