You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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