You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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