I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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