He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
