i dont even know how to be here
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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