well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
