I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
