ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
