We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she smelled like a LAN party
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
