you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize