he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
