the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
