it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize