my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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