I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Randomize