youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just cropdusted the office
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
