I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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