I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
