What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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