i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
