So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
