My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it glows. i had to have it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
