Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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