someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
