Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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