I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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