no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
