I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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