dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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