The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wish my penis had a tongue
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
