put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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