I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
