my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Naked Twister starts at high noon
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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