My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
