mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
