Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize