That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
