And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
