I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
