i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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