His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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