So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
