You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
