Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
