I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
