You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
