His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think your dad took our porno
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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