then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
