To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
