i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
