Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
