I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
