She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
