new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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