I wanna bring you to show and tell
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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