The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
