If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ladies don't puke and tell
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
