I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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