I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
