You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
