I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize