Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
